


Solidarity (In This Together)

by LindirsArchives



Series: Between Fairytales and Happy Endings [1]
Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: Best Friends, Developing Friendships, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Male Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25900120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindirsArchives/pseuds/LindirsArchives
Summary: There were ups and downs, many of them in fact, but they try to make do. They're partners, always has been and always will be, and both of them weren't going to let that slip away
Relationships: Joe MacMillan & Gordon Clark
Series: Between Fairytales and Happy Endings [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879582
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Solidarity (In This Together)

**Author's Note:**

> My first HaCF fanfic! I admit, I'm very nervous about this one cause I've never written something so... Normal and so human. Every fandom I've been (or at least fanfics I've written) has at least one weird thing, it's so weird writing fluff without some fantastical magical beast (expect an AU in the near future)  
> I wrote this mostly for self therapy, I guess you can call it that? Writing these two is very cathartic and for the first time I don't feel pressured to write or to be right. Every other fandom I was in, it felt so bad to keep up expectations. I wish I could start over here!  
> So here's a series of Gordon and Joe being absolute idiots

If you were to ask anyone else, they'd tell you they hate each other and are just civil because of formality. Even some of their closest doubted their relationship in the first place. It's fine though, it's their opinions, and Gordon wasn't going to change them

It was odd, even for them, some might say impossible. Yet, they managed to make do

The day Joe walked towards his desk in Cardiff, he saw nothing but cold arrogance and resourcefulness. It could be intimidating, hell, he was intimidating when he first saw him. He decided then and there that he hated him, his character really irked him in the wrong way. The way he walked was self assured, his shoulders always broad, his back straight, and god damn was Joe a big guy, and all those really gave out the energy of self confidence. Gordon didn't like it. He was wary, he could see Joe's character clearly from the way he presented himself

And then, he changed. The moment he stepped into his garage, his shoulders slumped and his smiles became genuine, he didn't look as big anymore, not as intimidating, he just looked excited. And for the first time in a long time, Gordon felt alive. Truly alive

Gordon learned quickly that Joe was a man of change. Circumstances make Joe Macmillan, and circumstances change him as well. Joe was quick to adapt and honestly, Gordon praised it. Change was something not many people appreciate, and Joe _is_ change

Some would say one of the reasons they could never work was that they were different. To the outside eye, Gordon was kind, overly patient, and a bit of a pushover, unlike Joe, cold-hearted, selfish, and manipulative. And yeah, he could see that. But years of working together and slowly but surely progressing, Gordon found another side to his friend, one he knew was the core Joe, without the shedding of skin or the changing of colours, it was the main, original Joe. And he was happy to be able to see it, he's happy Joe even let him see that side of him

Joe didn't have many friends back then, that Gordon knew, and it was apparent. He didn't consider any of his father's associates from IBM a friend and Gordon understood and fully agreed if he were in his place

"I'm sorry, for everything" He had said one night, during Ryan's disappearance. Gordon could only smile softly

"Don't worry about it" He said reassuringly

"And I'm really sorry to hear about... The thing" Ah. The thing. He told Joe about his diagnosis, toxic encephalopathy, and the other man had taken it quite hard, it was the first time he had ever seen Joe so worked up and it warmed his heart to think his friend had developed enough empathy to worry so much, and when Gordon managed to calm him down, he went on to reveal that he was also recently diagnosed positive for HIV, which in turn made Gordon worry and the cycle continued until they were able to pull themselves together

"Thanks. That goes for you too" Silence, bur it wasn't so heavy. That was until Joe decided to speak

"When you asked me whether you're my friend or not-" Gordon flinched slightly, remembering the hurt in his tone when he asked and the hurt he felt when he walked out of Joe's door. He sighed, he knew it was too good to be true

"God, Joe, I'm sorry. It- It was a stupid question, just forget about it" Joe shook his head and even in the dark, he could see sadness in his expression

"No, no. It wasn't a stupid question. You asked me if I considered you a friend or not-"

"Joe-"

"And the answer is yes. Yes, I do consider you as a friend" The claim made something in his chest flutter, the warmth he was unfamiliar with. He felt joy, gratefulness, anger, all things at once. He felt joy most, knowing his friendship was not in vain at all

"T-that's great! Well, not that I doubted you...- Okay, I do, but it felt wrong, you know? I never actually thought ypu meant it" He tried to mask his excitement but the stammering gave it away. Joe sighed tiredly, not noticing his friend's newfound excitement

"I can't choose between you two, and I certainly can't have either one of you fall. But I'll try. I'll figure it out" Gordon's excitement died quickly as they were back in topic. It wasn't exactly reassuring, but he'd give Joe a chance, he trusted him to do the right thing

"I know, and I'm sorry I left back then, I was just... Shocked I guess? No wait- Disappointed! Yeah that's it" Joe looked so much like a kicked puppy and it's not a good look on him. His only chance was to continue the conversation

"Hey. If anyone can figure out how to escape legal consequences, it's Joe Macmillan himself, right?" He tried a light hearted joke, trying to bring the mood up. It did little, but he got a small smile so that could count. Silence fell and the atmosphere became heavy. About a few minutes, Joe finally broke it once again

"It's... Difficult, sometimes. Deciding who are friends and who are enemies. I guess it came from years of isolation and disappointment" Something in him stirred a bit to hear that coming from Joe. He didn't know the man's past that well, he knew the actual story to his scars, he knew he would tell him some more bits of his honest past one day if that's the case, but he couldn't help but think back to what it was like, to be so disappointed, so hurt, friendship seemed impossible

"I had a friend back then, a best friend I could call her. She was the daughter of one of my father's associates and we hung out everytime, playing games, being kids. But then, she changed. When my mother let go of my hand and I fell off the roof, everything changed. I spent 2 years stuck in the hospital, everyday expecting her to visit, only to have her show up one random day and told me she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and that I wasn't her friend" His first instinct was to call his bullshit, but his voice had sounded so heavy, there was a genuine truth. Gordon could tell, he'd heard his lies too many times to not be able to distinguish it. He wasn't good at comforting, he was a good listener, that he took credit for, but he didn't really know whether Joe needed a listening ear or a comforting hand

So he stuck with the middle man; reassurance

"Hey, I'm your friend now, and I'm not gonna abandon a friend just like that" Joe snorted slightly, a very weird noise from him

"You don't know that"

"Joe, no offense, but you were really an asshole, and I've dealt with that just fine. Hell, you literally robbed me, yet here we are!" Gordon threw his arms out dramatically before slumping back on his chair

"Yeah, sorry about that"

"Again, everything's fine"

"That bad huh?"

"Yeah. You were that bad. Keyword being 'were' and I'm glad. I would never even imagine having this kind of conversation with the Joe from 83'" For a moment, Joe looked confused as if Gordon had just spoken in a different alien language

"I don't feel it" Gordon raised a curious eyebrow as he took another drink from the bottle

"Hmm?"

"You said 'was', as if I've changed. I don't feel it. How... Have I changed, exactly?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, back then you're just this short-tempered, loud, ambitious asshole that's really close to comitting mass homicide just to get what he wants, and- uh...- Okay, you're still loud, and you're still kind of an asshole, and you still look like you're up for manslaughter, but my point it; you've changed. You're not the same guy from back then, the guy that won't hesitate to sabotage everything just to have things his way, the guy I tussled with at night in the parking lot-" Ah he remembered those days. His back still does too

"Yeah, I'm also sorry about that"

"Joe, do me a favour and stop apologizing for one second" He could see him open his mouth to apologize again but thought against it and kept quiet. It was so... Strange, to see Joe apologizing. The man was self assured enough to know he never felt wrong or thought he was never wrong, Joe was above apologizing. One of the sad addition to the new Joe, he guessed

"Anyway. That's all there is to it, you've changed. And I couldn't be happier to work with this Joe again" The taller man fell silent, self doubt plastered in his expression. Gordon sighed, another swig at the bottle

"Look, even with every major bump we've been through, we're still friends. If you need me, I'll be there, I got your back, okay? But you also have to promise me. Promise me that you also got my back" It was stupid really. Joe wasn't someone known for his loyalty, and it was asking alot from a person like him. What he didn't expect was Joe's answer and the surprisingly open honesty behind it

"I promise. I got your back this time" The words were sincere, heavy with a tinge of longing and sadness. Gordon could feel his heart racing slightly, the prospect of another adventure with his friend once again was exciting for him and this time he knew Joe wasn't going to up and leave, abandon him like the many things he had torn down and abandoned. It was a truthful promise, an oath if you want to sound fancy. And that alone was enough to know his friend was by his side from then on

"I'm happy to work with you, Joe, and we make a great team, regardless of everything we went through, which if I'm being honest, is mostly your fault"

"Fair enough. Well, someone has to make sure you haven't decided to fall apart, Clark" He teased with a small laugh

"And someone has to keep you from comitting arson. _Again_ , Macmillan" Joe groaned, remembering his actions back at Cardiff. If he was being honest, he didn't exactly regret it, he thought it was the right thing to do in that moment. To him, it was a new beginning. To start a new beginning was to end the old one, the fire was bright and inviting, but hot and danger, as everything was, and it felt right. But still, to hear Gordon mention it lightly brought an emotion akin to guilt, knowing his friend was so proud of the creation and he had to watch it burn and die

They shared playful laughters as they toss light insults at each other. He missed these moments, like moments in the garage, moments back in the first COMDEX they went to with the Giant, moments when they weren't bound by the ties of professionalism. They were just Joe and Gordon, friends enjoying small banters outside of work with a bottle of beer. It was refreshing, to laugh with someone without the stress and overwhelming thoughts of work. There was warmth and lightness around them, something he'd hoped would last for a long time

Unfortunately it didn't

The next day, Gordon received a frantic call from a very distressed sounding Joe

Ryan was dead

_Fuck._

It took him no more than 8 minutes to barge through the door of his apartment and towards the bedroom where he knew he might be. And he was right when he saw Joe sitting up on his bed, looking like an absolute mess. His eyes devoid of anything as he stared on the wall, his back turned against the window. His breathing was ragged and uneven, as if he was going through a seizure. He really wished it wasn't a seizure

For the first time, Joe looked broken. The shell of the proud Joe Macmillan shattered to pieces, revealing his core self, nothing but the scarred, lonely, and very depressed man he saw when Cameron walked out of COMDEX. Gordon didn't know what to do, he had never been in these situations and he's a man of experience. But he needed to do something, Joe looking as if he's on the verge of following Ryan so he did what he knew what to do when young Haley and Joanie were scared of thunder

He grabbed the blanket on the bed and instead of draping it over him (cause holy shit it's hot), he told Joe to grab onto it, which he did tightly. He quietly assured the man that he's going out to grab him some water and some breakfast. By his luck, there was a can of chicken soup which he warmed up and set in a bowl with a slice of bread on the side. The only challenge would be to make him eat

"Come on, Joe. You have to eat" But he didn't budge. His head still pounding in his ears as Ryan's voice began filling the room for him. He didn't move, he couldn't. He could feel tears and that's it. He was frozen

"Joe..." Only about 15 minutes? 20 minutes? He didn't know anymore, did he noticed his friend's pleads. He glanced at the soup on his bedside and a glass of water in Gordon's hand. He really couldn't eat, it felt as if he would throw up even thinking of food

"Just one spoonful" The final plead came from Gordon and he finally forced himself to swallow a spoonful of soup. And it... Wasn't as bad as he took spoonfuls after spoonfuls, slowly but surely at his own pace

Gordon sighed, he really was lost on this one. He felt worthless and he didn't like the feeling at all. He needed to do something. This was all new to him and he didn't know what to properly do. He knew Ryan was a friend and Gordon knew Joe had enjoyed Ryan's company. Emphasis on had

This felt wrong, everything felt wrong and heavy, and he couldn't imagine what Joe's going through. For the first time in awhile he had people that actually wanted him to be a friend instead of an asset, for the first time in a very long time he had opened his heart to another person on the prospect of friendship. And one of them took a leap of fate. It was clear how much that leap had caused Joe his emotional and mental wellbeing

"I can't do this... I can't-" He whispered under his breath and Gordon pulled his friend closer to him, still holding the blanket tightly. Gordon feared for his friend so he placed a reassuring hand on his tightly balled hands

"I'm right here" His voice was soft, the voice he'd usually use when Haley and Joanie were still toddlers crying. Joe didn't respond, only that he let go of the blanket and held onto his friend's hand instead, tightly squeezing. Gordon would complain it being too tight but he didn't, couldn't. He let his friend hold it

When the police and ambulance left, Gordon slowly brought Joe into the living room. The taller man was a mess and Gordon didn't like seeing him so depressed. Joe kept looking out of the window as if suddenly things could be reversed and Ryan would still be standing there, weighing his options and turning back. But it turned out empty

From that moment on, Joe changed once again, shedding the skin of the newly formed friend to an empty vessel of grief. The circumstances were tight and he changed with it, and Gordon was afraid that this change would be permanent

Months turn to a year and a year turned into two. Ryan's death, Cameron leaving Mutiny and getting married, his and Donna's divorce, Mutiny's fall, it all happened so quickly in just a span of a few months, maybe a year or two, he didn't know really, he lost count. Everything kept moving forward, and it moved so fast, changed so fast

One constant that stayed, was Joe

Joe, the man who he'd once said was an untrustworthy manipulative bastard, the man who watched a truck of his creation burn, the man who stole from him and claimed ownership, the man that had fallen and risen and fallen again, the man he wouldn't hesitate to throw under the bus just to get back at him and spite him, the man he saw grew and change with him, either good or bad, the man of change and underlying empathy

The _friend_ he had worked with and would be working with again, the friend he said he would look out for in times of need

2 years passed since the death of Ryan and Gordon even barely saw him out of his new apartment. He wanted to move out of the old one where there were still memories of Ryan left behind, and Gordon couldn't agree more. And even after that, nothing much changed

He was a disheveled mess. A depressed and self destructive, disheveled mess. His destructive tendencies, his temper, his emotional outburst were no surprise to Gordon, but this was different. This had none of them and it's just, empty. No emotions, no reactions, no anything, which somewhat terrified Gordon. He was afraid, very much so, because the moment he saw his friend's expression, it looked as if he wanted to take the leap too. The thought of him being able to do it one of these days scared him, so he tried to hold on tight to him, afraid that letting go meant letting Joe fall, hearing his voice was reassuring enough already. He would visit his apartment whenever he could, sometimes bringing the kids with him. Donna didn't know. Donna didn't _need_ to know and he was sure as hell Donna wouldn't care

Haley was concerned as well, extremely even. She liked Joe and somehow she was closest to him out of the two, Joanie being closer to Cameron. She considered him to be an uncle of some sort, and Gordon was happy to see them getting along and he knew Joe loved Haley as well, even telling Gordon that he 'saw himself in her' sometimes. He didn't really know what that meant but he thought it'll come around eventually

Joe needed distractions and he was more than happy to give him some. Besides, Gordon needed some distractions too. The year has been shitty to both of them anyway

"Hey, you doing alright?"

_"Yeah, why?"_

"Nothing. Can I come over? Right now?" There was a long pause before an answer finally came

_"... Sure"_

"Alright, I'll see you then" He hung up without expecting another respond. It was always like this, this was their routine almost everyday (well, as long as he's available that is). He would call Joe, checked in on him, then drove by his place where they'd spend hours of Gordon coaxing him to eat, them watching whatever mediocre show was on, reading books, exchanging laughters over anything at this rate, anything to get their minds away from everything

"The Elvenking looked sternly upon Thorin, when he was brought before him, and asked him many questions. But Thorin would only say that he was starving" His voice was like his own everytime he read, warm and full of charm. It would be an understatement if Gordon said Joe was just a good speaker as both were sat on the floor with a copy of 'The Hobbit' by J. R. R. Tolkien in his hand, Gordon being mesmerized by his friend's storytelling voice, full of life and wonder which the listener could not help but feel as well

"' _Why did you and your folk three times try to attack my people at their merrymaking?_ ' asked the king" He expected Joe to continue only to be cut off by silence. He looked up to see his friend looking at him expectantly

"What? What's wrong?"

"Read Thorin's lines" Gordon snorted, thinking it was a cruel joke only to realize Joe was staring at him with that look that meant 'do it or else', which made his expression morphing into surprise

"No thanks. You go on, I'll just listen to it and read along" Joe slumped in disappointment but if he knew his friend, he always gets what he wants

"Oh come on, Gordon. Don't tell me you can't actually read" Oh the condescending tone that usually got the best of him

"Hey, if I can't read I wouldn't be able to reverse engineer a chip, or do anything for that matter. I can read just fine"

"Then read Thorin's lines out loud"

"Joe, no. Besides, I'm a terrible storyteller. One time, I read the girls a bedtime story and they told me to stop midway cause it was so bad. They were 5 back then, two 5 year olds just called me out and that itself ruined my pride" Joe rolled his eyes at his friend's dramatic complaining, but he was insistent

"I'm sure it's different now. I mean, everyone changes, that's what you said, right, Gordon?" He smirked, turning his words against him and Gordon shot him a glare

"You rat"

"I get that alot. Now read it, and I'll tell you to stop before you injure your pride any more, alright?" After 2 full minutes of persuasion, Gordon groaned and threw his head back on the couch cushion before straightening himself back

"Fine. But just this once" The taller man nodded happily and the story continued after Gordon cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses

"' _We did not attack them,'_ answered Thorin, ' _we came to beg because we were starving.'_ " Another silence and it was broken by a loud snort. Joe was trying hard not to laugh at him

"That was the most sad reading I've ever heard of" Gordon gave him a light shove as he dissolved to wheezed laughter

"Shut up!"

"Try reading it with flare, it always helps bringing the story to life"

"Like what?"

"Like, pretend you are Thorin, just captured by the Elvenking, starving and lost, on a very timed journey to reclaim your home, how would you feel?" How would he feel? He wasn't good at imagining things really

"Angry, I guess? I mean, with all the danger in the woods and near death experiences just to go home, only to be captured and thrown in jail? Yeah I'd be pissed" Joe nodded, taking the information in like a college student on a lecture

"Good. Then transfer that energy, that emotion, to your words. Be Thorin Oakenshield" Gordon sighed, exasperated, he really couldn't get him to budge huh?

"Fine I'll try" With a small smile, Joe continued the story

"' _Where are your friends now, and what are they doing?_ '" It was amazing how his voice didn't sound like his at all whenever he spoke the Elvenking's lines. He sounded regal, ancient, powerful, as if he could see him as this immortal ethereal being of the trees that had seen many horrors of war and many blood shed. His sharp tone brought shivers down his spine, just like everytime Joe would use his big words to wrap investors around his fingers. It was unreal

"' _I don't know, but I expect that they're all starving in the forest_.'" Gordon tried his chances again, channeling the anger he thought Thorin would feel, but instead remembering the days back in Cardiff and remembering that version of Joe and how _pissed_ off he was at him just for existing in general. Joe only smiled as he continued the story with his regal elven voice

"' _What were you doing in the forest?_ '"

They continued on, their exchange becoming even more intense as the emotions exchanged became high and angry. For a children's book, it was surprising how much anger the two of them could pour onto each character

A few hours passed, none of them noticed as they fell back on the floor laughing with the book in between them

"I'll admit, that was pretty fun" The words were jumbled between laughters as Gordon tried to recollect himself

"You're pretty good at this"

"Are you trying to spare my remaining pride? Cause I know that's a lie"

"Well, you might have went too far when you tried to assault me but you were great!" Their laughters reduced to small giggles and finally died down, the atmosphere light and feelings still warm and fuzzy even with the light silence. Moments like these Gordon appreciated the most out of these times as it was difficult to even get Joe to eat most of the times, so he cherished the laughter and genuine happiness of his friend. These moments were one of his happiest, because it was just them

Just the two of them, on the floor, without even any hint of darkness brought from real life. It was peaceful, it was fun

"So, what do you think?" He was brought back from his wondering thoughts by the other's question

"What?"

"You know, the story" Gordon gave it a thought, he hummed as he placed his hand on his chin like those detectives he usually saw on television

"It's exciting, I guess? Not a big fan of fantasy, really. Like, elves and dwarves and wizards and all that. But it's great. There was a world with complexity, it was an entirely new earth made just for these stories. And I think that's impressive, creating life out of fantasy" _Yeah. That's it._ He thought how it felt to create something of his own, some kind of world and he felt himself at ease

"Yeah. I think so too" There was newfound warmth between them as they found comfort in each other's company. It was silent for the rest of the evening, with nothing but the sound of the ticking clock. It was quiet, but not the loud quiet, it was peaceful, something they really needed. In each other's company, they found peace, harmony, they found their joys

"Hey Gordon" The man glanced to his side to see his friend staring at the ceiling with a fond smile before turning to face him, his eyes revealing the longing and the newfound happiness, an old spark had reignited. Gordon found himself feeling excited

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For everything" It was Gordon's turn to smile fondly

"Like I said, I got your back"

"And I got yours. I can't wait to be working with you again some day" The thought made his stomach flutter with contained excitement. The thought of another project, just the two of them, whatever it was

"What would it be though?" Joe shrugged, his attention back on the ceiling as if looking for answers

"We'll figure it out, it'll come by eventually. I have a feeling it's somethint big"

"Knowing you, Joe, I'm sure it will be" Once again, came the peace with only the sound of clock ticking

Gordon Clark and Joe Macmillan might be two contradicting people, some might even say their friendship was borderline toxic and parasitic, but they begged to differ. There was solidarity between them, years of trials that tested their loyalty, honesty, and empathy, most of it on Joe, had brought them back together once again, remembering days when it was just the two of them against the world, days they were both excited to start once again

And both of them were ready for another adventure together

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment!


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